Three Mistakes to Avoid this Holiday Season

I was an OG TikToker. Or at least I had the potential to be one. On Christmas eve 1987, admittedly before TikTok and even cell phones(!) were invented, my husband, his brother, and I headed to the mall to make some content. In all honesty, we went in part to get one more purchase for a family member. And I guess we figured while we were at it, we’d have a little fun.

We knew why we were going shopping, but we were curious, and wanted to record, what was motivating other people to shop on Christmas eve. So we grabbed a camcorder and off we went.

Some people hustled by us, clearly annoyed that we were filming when they had more important things to do. Others smiled and told us what they were shopping for and why they were there at the very last minute. Still others, initially disconcerted, eventually smiled broadly as we wished them a merry Christmas, amidst the rush.

The footage never got posted anywhere. I don’t even know where it ended up, honestly. It’s probably on some VHS tape somewhere in our attic. 

And while I’m slightly amused at our silliness—filming for no known purpose and trying to make harried shoppers smile—I wish I knew then what I know now. 

 Presence makes the best present.

The last-minute gift we bought that evening (a wristwatch for my sister-in-law) has almost certainly stopped working or been lost. Physical gifts are okay, but no substitute for true connection and experiences.

I can’t help but contrast that night with another one, many years later, also in December. My mom was turning 80 and we decided to gather the extended family together for an outing to Zoo Lights, followed by popcorn and hot chocolate at our house afterward. The night was frigid as I recall. My mom wasn’t too happy about the low temps. I remember locking my arm in hers and pulling her close to warm her up, as we walked around the zoo. After a short while, we had my husband pull up a car to take us home for the promised snacks by the fire.

We took a few pics of the night on our cell phones, but I don’t need to see them to remember that night. It is forever sealed in my heart and mind.

So, in case you’re like me, sometimes crunched by the pressure of the season, something of a last-minuter, eager to buy just the right gift for friends and family, I want to share with you some of the mistakes I’ve made over the years, during this time, so you can avoid them and find more space for joy and peace this season!

Mistake number one: Thinking we needed a physical present to show our love.We don’t. If you really want to give a gift, consider offering an experience (a museum outing, babysitting, a nearby hike, a trip to the zoo or farmers market brunch). It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive.  Opportunities to connect are the most unique and lasting gift you can give. It’s the gift of time and attention.

Mistake number two: Trying to do it all. There are more holiday parties, recitals, and end-of-year celebrations at this time of year than in any other, that’s for sure. But you don’t have to do every. single. thing. Flex the “no” muscle. Or the “half” muscle (send your spouse while you stay home). Don’t order family photo Christmas cards or accept the invitation to the office holiday party. The world won’t stop. But you can. Meaning you don’t have to be upping your stress level, scurrying around, trying to make everyone else happy while you’re miserable. Give yourself the gift of a silent night (or two or three).

Mistake number three: Succumbing to “cold and flu season”. Sometimes when things get busy, our self-care practices go out the window. Just at the time when we need them most, actually. We race out the door without journaling. Or we skip our workout to get our kids to the piano recital. We order DoorDash because we didn’t have time to cook. The reason the media has dubbed this time “cold and flu season” is because adults and kids alike have a tendency to get sick in the winter months. In my opinion, it’s not because so many germs are being spread around. It’s due to the fact that we are overdoing the sugar and dropping some of the disciplines that help us maintain good health during the rest of the year: regular exercise, getting outside, eating nourishing food, and taking time to decompress and relax. We’re run down in other words, making us vulnerable to illness. Instead of dropping the healthy habits, find a way to double down on them. Opt for a strong offense, rather than playing defense with a stuffy nose on the living room couch. Leave Nyquil and Kleenex tissues on the store shelves.

What mistakes have you made in the past, during this season, that you have learned from? Comment below. And please learn from my mistakes so that this December (and January and February and March and beyond) will be one full of fond memories and good health!